Seriously, people?

So, as I sit here in my comfy berliner room, I get to read the news and I find myself shaking my head in disbelief.

I see (virtual) pages worth of caliber newspapers supporting the typical summer craze for perfect bodies, and the stigma for less-perfect ones (what is "perfect" is nowhere to be specified).

I see the recent homophobic law passed in Russia is bearing the fruit everybody knew it woud bear, with gay and lesbian couples being arrested for "gay propaganda" for simply being out in public together.

I see the discussion about an anti-homophobia law being stalled in the Italian parliament and mostly dismissed as a less-urgent problem. Sure, the country has a million other issues that require attention, but I don't understand what bad could it be for the country to get a breath of fresh air, new rights, and possibly some optimism amongst a catastrophic, depressing scenario.

Sometimes it feels like there's no hope. As if we were doomed to be harsh to each other, and to fail to put ourselves in our next of kin's shoes.

"Is it easier to love or to hate?", asks a question on a renowned dating website I keep a profile on. My answer is "Love", and I feel like repeating the comment I made to that question. This is Wikipedia's definition for hatred. Do people really find it easier to foster such negative and destructive feelings? Easier than to feel connected, to care about, to be empathetic to your fellow human beings?

What is it that makes differences appear so threatening to so many people? Why are so many of us secluded in what we believe to be right and indignant of anything that seems not right as a consequence?

Why are so many of us all about "me" and not enough about "us"?

Accepting differences doesn not make you any less you. If anything, it can make for more friendship.

There's nothing to be afraid of, really.

Bright notes: life is beautiful, Berlin is loving me! I went to the park with some friends on Sunday and we had a wonderful time. I'm still awaiting the response from my latest job interview and the anticipation is killing me. I'm trying to be ready for a negative answer, but also piling up hopes for a positive one. Thrilling!

Hectic Days

Berlin's renowned Fernsehturn,
whether you like it or not.

First things first: the German test went better than I expected, with me scoring 64 out of 76 points. I didn't get as many wrong answers as I thought. :)

Today was a busy day. I'm incredibly tired, so I will keep this short. I have been in Mitte, Berlin's central district, to have lunch with a couple friends and then I had this very promising job interview.

The view in the picture is from just outside the office I had the interview at. I would love to work there, but I will have to wait until next week to know what will be of my application. It feels a bit weird to think I may actually have good chance to get the job the one time I don't feel too confident about my performance.

But well, time will tell.

These are wonderful days! Warm and full of optimism. :)

Ich lerne Deutsch!

One way ticket to German and (not) back.

So, we're going to have a little test today at school. The main theme will probably be the dreaded cauldron of prepositions. The last week has been intense and confusing at the same time.

Some prepositions always require the use of the Dativ case, others always require the Akkusativ, and of course there's nine more prepositions that switch between the two based on the kind of action that's going on in the sentence. Somebody is actively doing something? Go with the Akkusativ case. Are you describing a static situation? Then go with the Dativ.

Now, this is a lot to memorize. First we have to learn by heart which prepositions require which case. Then we need to know the cases without getting confused (they have some similarities for added difficulty). And finally, and this is the key to successfully using the German language, we need to know the gender, and therefore the article, of every noun. And there are three genders: feminine, masculine and neutral. And a lot of nouns are the opposite gender in German than they are in Italian.

Now, while ich stelle die Tasse auf dem Tisch, I can say I'm having fun anyway. I am aware of the language making roots and becoming gradually less obscure, and I have a feeling I am progressing fast. Maybe I do have a little talent for languages. :)

The language barrier adds to
the suspance of this criminal case.

There's this little book I found here at home that I'm trying to read, and I have to say I am at the point where I can clearly make out some scenes. A big step forward compared to the "I don't know what I'm reading" feeling of the first pages.

I am growing more confident and I think I will soon start doing my favorite language-learning exercise: translation!

I remember back when I was first learning English I used to try to translate short texts (Micheal Jackson's songs. I was young), and I remember learning new vocabulary by making out their meaning based on the context rather than by looking them up on a dictionary.

Repeating the experiment 23 (!) years later will be interesting. I will keep you posted, but now I really have to warm up for the test.

Bis bald!

Thoughts on Manipulation

There are certain topics I'm getting increasingly sensitive to, lately. I even get called out for being "too serious" and for not shaking off whatever bothers me with a laugh. But how do you shake off something that makes your stomach churn?

One of these things (and maybe I'll talk about some of the others in subsequent posts) is manipulation.

I just recently realized that I have grown up amidst a culture that is permeated with manipulation, a culture in which even the simplest of conversations revolves around an implicit but well known game of "I will only hint at things and you will either understand what I mean or curteously ask me to tell you more".

"I thought this was no strings attached!"

In this culture courting, friendship, family ties all appear to be, at times, theatrical spectacles of behavior-response patterns. You do something, and I know I have to do something else in return. I don't question why, I just know I should because that is what is expected of me.

If I invite you out for dinner and I pay the bill, I expect you to agree to do something sexual with me in return. If I display all the standard signs of interest toward you, and you seem to receive them, if not to invite them, then no matter how apparently detached you appear to be, I will make a move on you.

And several other implicit dialogues or panthomimes.

Now, in recent years I have surrounded myself with a bunch of people who not only are well aware of those patterns (the manipulative patterns, those that intend to elicit a response out of a sense of obligation or indebtedness), but strive to avoid them and to adopt a different, straightforward behavior. And as I have grown accustomed to both people stating clearly what they want, and to expressing clearly what I want, I find myself more and more irritated when I am administered the standard manipulative pattern.

I reject it. I stay away from it.

At times, I try to explain my standpoint on this issue to the random individual that happens to trigger my manipulation alarm. Calmly. Making it clear that it is the dyamic that I loathe, and not the person enacting it, whom I assume to be well intentioned.

Sadly, what happens most of the times is that they get offended, they take it personal, and get defensive. Why does it have to be so hard to distinguish between oneself and one's (ingrained) behavior? I can see the two as separate things, can't others see it too?

It gets frustrating at times, with me getting the feeling I cannot actually communicate with somebody because I don't see them listening, but only scanning my words for one of the standard conversation triggers to which they can react appropriately.

There is a very bright side to this all, though. On the one hand, it is always extremely refreshing and liberating to find others who share my feelings and who crave and enact straightforward, transparent communication. And on the other hand, I become increasingly self aware of my own manipulative tendencies, and it becomes easier for me to avoid them. I did catch myself short of sending a disturbingly manipulative email no later than yesterday, and I'm happy I could rearrange the text taking the wrong stuff away before sending it.

The path to self awareness is long, hard, and entirely worth the effort.

Hallo Leute!

Hello World! This is my new blog. It's not my first one, I already have an ongoing translation project you can see here, but I'm afraid you will not enjoy it unless you can read Italian. ;)

So, why another blog? Well, this one is personal. L'Edicola Internazionale serves a professional purpose, I am using it as a portfolio to display my skills.

Here, on the other hand, I will try to talk a little about myself and my new life. New life?

"Get yourself a bike", they said.
"Right on!", I replied.

Quick facts to kick off with this first post: I am an Italian migrant to Berlin. I've been since a month and a half. I am not the first, and I will certainly not be the last.

I had never lived abroad before. I had never even dared to think I could emigrate alone before. I'm still not sure what to thank for this sudden burst of courage, but here I am, feeling like a lioness, giving it my all, working hard to achieve results.

So far I've got a cheap, nice WG, a German course and some new friends. A couple job interiews that did not result in me getting a job, but that certainly boosted my confidence. I hadn't had a job interview in Italy for ages, and I had my first one here at my second week, as I still had to finish unpacking my luggage. Big ego boost.

Hermannplatz is actually close to home!

I also got my Steuernummer, the registration number with the tax office. I filed my request as a freelance translator and I am looking for clients and contractors.

I'm not sure yet wether I will keep this blog monolingual or if I will switch between English and Italian (and German hopefully soon!). I will just go with my internal flow and see how this all shapes up. :)

Goodnight for now, internet. Have I ever told you that ich liebe dich?