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| Oh yeah, this is exactly how it feels. |
I needed to go back home to retrieve my Winter-appropriate clothes, as Berlin is veering decidedly toward much colder temperatures.
It was my first time in Italy after my departure, three months ago. It felt weird.
It is as if there is a mental switch that goes on and off as I switch countries: first I am my Berlin self, with my brand new life, and thoughts, and feelings; then I have to step back, at least in part, into my old Italian self, in order to interact with my family, my old acquaintances, and to simply move around.
During these days it came spontaneous to me to refer to Berlin as "my place", "back at home", "by us (in Germany)". It probably sounded pretentious to those listening to me, but it was in fact very natural.
I have been told recently that expats go through a rather standardized sequence: an initial enthusiastic phase followed by a sense of alienation, isolation, and longing for the homeland. I'm not sure I'm affected. I haven't left much behind, and I don't need much to feel good here, in terms of human interaction. I also see my personal attitude reflected in plenty others here (women wearing comfy clothing and no make up? Feels like heaven), whereas I always felt like the "different" one back in Italy.
Time will tell. :)
