Of having balls

I found these in the Supermarkt. Yes, they were tasty and juicy.

I find myself wondering about what it means to actually have balls or, in more educated terms, to be courageous.

When I first moved to Berlin, I was told I was being courageous for doing it, with the whole going away facing an uncertain future in search for a job and a less depressing environment. I often thought to myself that it was not really courage, if you were feeling more on the desperate side and you were as afraid as I was.

I am still afraid every time a job application doesn't go well, and always try to remember the upside of things: at least I am getting job interews here, whereas I was getting none in Italy. It will happen, all I have to do is keep positive and never cease trying. And try to get clients as a freelance translator. :)

Furthermore, moving represented a huge change in my current relationship. Me and my boyfriend had been living under the same roof for six months before we separated, each of us following his own personal projects, him with his startup in Trento, me in Berlin being adventurous.

And I have to tell you, long distance relationships are not easy, especially if you have this intense desire of sharing your living space with the person that is now so far away from you, and if you really have no way to plan anything regarding your own future, let alone that of your relationship.

So, I've had my harsh times in these first two months as a Berliner. But I've also had great times, to the extent that I think they outnumber the tough ones.

So many things seem to have happened within in me in such a short time, that the time before moving seems to belong to another life, to another me. I am here, I'm trying things I never thought I'd have the courage to try alone, I'm putting myself on the line, and I'm conquering my fears, even those that have represented a problem in my relationship with my boyfriend and with others.

I think I am at my happiest these days. I am feeling more secure, I know the problems I have and I want to overcome them.

The next courageous step in my self development process will be opening up to people without fear of being hurt. Wish me luck! :)